Boys Don't Cry
by mifune
Summary: Sadness is unfathomably ironic. It's always too easy to unleash the pain yet too desecrating to free the tears. [RuHana, one-shot]


**BOYS DON'T CRY**

Disclaimer: Slam Dunk and its characters belong to Takehiko Inoue.

For **Crystal **and everyone who cares to read this. :)

…

_Life has taught us that love doesn't consist of gazing at each other but in looking together at the same direction. -Anonymous _

…

"_I'm leaving, Hana."_

"_Too tired to play now, huh, Kitsune? Hell, but anyway, don't worry, the tensai'll be more than glad to leave with you, you know, since you might be fainting on the road or something since you're such a weakling, anyway," Sakuragi Hanamichi taunted as he gathered his belongings and prepared to desert the court. _

_Noticing that the fox-like guy wasn't showing any intention of following him, the redhead stopped in his tracks and gave the other a puzzled look. "Oi, Kitsune. I thought you wanted to leave?"_

"_I'm going to America," Rukawa Kaede stated, calm but certain. _

_Sakuragi offhandedly dropped his duffel bag. He couldn't, he wouldn't believe this. _

_Regaining his senses, he shook his head, laughing raucously, and told the other, "Nyahaha, I can't believe you're getting delusional just because I'm getting better, or make that I'm reeeaally better at basketball than you! Really, let's just go home, Kitsune!" But deep down, cold fear began creeping to his system. _

"_I'm serious, Hana. I'm leaving for America. But I'll come back. I hope you understand me." The rookie looked at him gravely._

_That put a halt to the redhead's laughter._

_In an instant, his positive stance was replaced by an ambiguous hesitation, his voice faltering when he spoke. "Understand? What do you mean you're leaving, that's incredibly ridiculous and, and why_–"

"_My dreams."_

_Acrid pain shot through the redhead. The mere thought of losing the one guy who has ironically elucidated the point of his survival made him want to jump off a dark, desolate abyss and yet he couldn't let him see he was affected. Was he hearing it right? Rukawa Kaede was leaving him. For his dreams. For his bloody dreams. _

"_You're telling me right now that you're actually leaving for your dreams?" _

_Rukawa nodded._

_The redhead laughed, painful and acrimonious. "Well guess what, that's the most idiotic thing I've heard in my entire life. Do you really think you'll instantly rise to heights in such a huge, foreign country? Do you, do you really think America's some miraculous milk and honey land that'll offer you loads of astounding marvels once you get there, huh, Kaede? Think it over. You know leaving will be futile at its extreme and you know, too, that I'm absolutely right, God, how can you be so stupid?" he said as-a-matter-of-factly, all the while shaking his head in mock derision. He didn't want to say all these. No, he didn't. He felt like he was betraying his own thoughts, his own feelings a hundred times and over and yet he didn't care. Rukawa Kaede was leaving him. For his dreams. _

_What the latter did next caught him off guard. Rukawa punched him so hard on the jaw that he didn't even realize it stung. Not until the impassive rookie did it again and he staggered backwards, falling down in a crumpled heap on the floor._

_Moments after, nursing his sore jaw, the redhead stood up, wobbling slightly. He was angry. Angry at Rukawa for punching him, angry at Rukawa for planning to choose his dreams over him, angry at himself for getting unreasonably affected like this._

"_That won't make you survive in America, trust me. But you know what? If you really want to go and try your luck there, then sure, go all you like. Remember this, though, you're not as primed and capable enough for America as you think you are right now. Dream on, Rukawa Kaede. Cheap garbage, that's all you'll ever going to be in that place." Sakuragi looked at the other with so much fury and anguish and contempt that he didn't even know what's what. _

_All he remembered were a piercing stare and a faded whisper saying, "You hear what you want. I'm just so tired of you." _

_Such empty words. Such deadened promises. _

_Such love lost._

…

That actual night Rukawa walked out of the public basketball court and left Sakuragi standing, holding the very reason of the other's departure, the redhead was in shards. For a fleeting instant, he lost whatever far-fetched reason he had to continue the existence of the Sakuragi Hanamichi everyone knew, loved and yes, even hated in some cases. Rukawa Kaede left him. And just like _that_. He couldn't bear it.

It's funny, he knows. How he finally found someone who has actually obliterated the feeling that he's an insignificant speck of shit and then suddenly, that someone is gone simply because of him and his oozing idiocy.

Perhaps, the others, they were right. He was no more than a dense, useless, mutinous redhead whose idea of a gratifying day is nothing less than an affray with somebody. He drove Rukawa Kaede away. He was an irrational, hidebound bastard who induced the rookie's leaving just because he's got the whole world revolving for himself.

He lashed out those harsh and biting statements to Rukawa and why he did is beyond him. Perhaps, he thought with those, the rookie would stay. He thought with those, Rukawa would change his mind and trash the plan of leaving him. He thought with those, things would go his way. He thought Rukawa Kaede needed him more than he even expected.

But they didn't. Maybe Rukawa didn't.

He was going to apologize, though. He was going to kiss Rukawa and say he was sorry, that he's been an insufferable jerk and he didn't mean to hurt him. He was going to break down at the straight-faced rookie's feet, if that was what it takes, and plead for forgiveness.

But he knew that even if he did, all these would be for nothing. He had said too much.

He pushed Rukawa to his limits. He pained him. Then again, he knew his greatest mistake was deriding the rookie's dreams. When all the while he should be looking at the same direction as Rukawa's, he was there, glimpsing at another he chose for the both of them. And he knew that that alone was enough to crush the rookie's dignity and override whatever something they had.

How he wishes he can bring back the achingly familiar _Kaede and Hana_ he has inordinately loved hearing over the years that they were together. How he yearns to tell the rookie that now he grasps that support and understanding in a relationship are elemental.

For all its worth, he would tell Rukawa that he loves him.

But as much as he despises to admit, alas, everything ends up in a cliché.

It's all too late now.

Now every time he turns to look at himself at the mirror, he sees someone of sheer remorse, longing and overpowering melancholy.

_Sadness is unfathomably ironic. It's always too easy to unleash the pain yet too desecrating to free the tears. _

And he does nothing but stare back at his reflection.

END

…

My version on how Sakuragi handles departure. Rukawa's departure, that is. This is what comes out when you're listening to _Boys Don't Cry_ while brooding over your incapacity to write a multi-chaptered RuHana fic. Yes.

Thank you for reading this. Then maybe you can tell me what you think about it. :)


End file.
